Being calm in a high pressure situation is one of the most powerful acts of leadership and influence. Whether you are presenting in a meeting to the board of directors, or influencing an individual to authorize your program for his team, you need to be able to handle the questions that challenge your initiative.
Consider this situation. You’re presenting an idea at a meeting and you think it’s going well. You have spent an enormous amount of time gathering your evidence and preparing for your moment in the spotlight. You have a lot invested in this plan and you know a positive decision would have a profound effect on the company. On top of that, everyone seems open to your recommendations and the questions are relatively easy.
Then it happens – someone raises an objection that questions the credibility of your idea and, by extension, your own professional credibility. You respond by feeling defensive and your body language transforms in the moment as you become closed and withdrawn. You quickly start to react to squelch the objection. Your voice raises in volume and pitch, your speech becomes more rigid, and you begin to sound guarded or argumentative. The other attendees of the meeting now sense your weaknesses and lack of confidence. They follow up with more tough questions of their own. The power of your idea leaves the meeting as quickly as it came; and now nobody is in favor of your proposal.
As a result your recommendation, although creative and important, loses momentum and is not given approval.
So what could you have done differently?
I coach clients to avoid looking defensive by remembering a few simple rules that they can practice, in many situations over time, so they’ll react in a creative and powerful manner when the time comes. It’s easy to react defensively when questioned or confronted. Don’t let yourself be a reaction to a stimuli – follow these steps instead.
Step 1. Pause.
When you are faced with unexpected or confrontational questions, stop for a few seconds, take a breath and think about what was just asked; don’t rush to respond. As you pause, take that time to short-circuit your body’s desire to react and to assume a defensive posture. Quickly put some of your focus on your body so that your posture is relaxed and open to the information in the question. This not only makes you look more credible, it will actually help you regain control of your emotions.
If you are unclear about any part of the question or need another minute to gain perspective on the question, calmly…
Step 2. Clarify the question
Repeat what you heard so that it is clear what they are asking. You do this by acknowledging the truth of what was asked. You can align with the facts by understanding the objection or accusation, and clarifying when you restate the remark. This gives you time to settle yourself.
Or you can align with the emotion you heard, for instance, “you sound skeptical that we can accomplish this as proposed.”
Or you can align with both. The goal is to quickly and conversationally make the questioner feel heard and understood. This helps diffuse the tension in the room and change the energy of the moment. It gives you another minute to get hold of your emotions and to make sure you, and everyone in the meeting, really understand the question or objection. Many positive things can happen, if we slow down the dialogue of the meeting when the stakes are high.
Once you’ve aligned with the facts and/or emotions, don’t transition to your explanation by using the words “but” or “however.” These words negate the positive connection you just created with your listener. Instead, once you’re done aligning, simply pause before offering your explanation and then…
Step 3. Keep it brief and on point.
Make sure you answer the question in a productive and congruent manner. Be aware of your voice and body language. Keep the mood conversational and productive. Give answers that address the questioners’ true concerns.
Having successfully and unemotionally addressed a challenging question, you can bridge back to your planned presentation without bringing along the negative energy. You are now back on your initial track, and can successfully persuade the group of your important program.
It’s hard not to be defensive – it’s an instinctive reaction when you’re questioned or criticized. But going to some training or learning a concept is not enough to change your defensive responses. Change takes practice over time, and development of new habits. Repetition is the mother of all learning; coaching and practice of the above three steps will help you become a calm and influential leader under fire.